how kelly clarkson saved the vma's (sort of)
the only thing worse than the 2005 vmas, were the 2004 vmas. i really don't understand how what was once consistently the gold standard of live pop culture entertainment, has become one giant, boring, mess.
i will admit that mtv still does a really fantastic job building up hype for the show...which is probably why i still watch it. they even have the unique ability to make the performer lineup sound exciting, when in fact, it falls remarkably short.
in reality, i think the main reason i still tune in is because i retain the inkling of hope that i am going to witness the next great "vma moment" that made the show so famous to begin with. but, where are the great surprise collaborations now? christina and fred durst? kid rock and aerosmith? nsync and michael jackson? where is the moving tribute to biggie with sting and faith evans? where is the infamous lisa marie and mj kiss? why isn't diana ross fondling lil kim's boob? where is britney ripping off her clothes? where the fuck is madonna? (okay, she's recovering from her horse-riding injury, but you get the point)
in fact, the last great vma moment that comes to mind was the britney/madonna kiss in 2003. it's almost like that kiss signified the end of an era, but i am holding out hope that's not the case. the first step in cleaning up this mess is figuring out just what the hell is going wrong?
first, and foremost, it needs to get the fuck out of miami and back to new york where it belongs. if the the less-than-climatic "tricked out car and celebrity yacht" arrivals, the aerial shots of the trailer park production lot, and the maze of aisles in the actual arena aren't enough of a reason to leave miami, perhaps just barely missing hurricane katrina by one day will scare them enough to come back up north.
second, i don't know who decided that puff daddy would be a good choice to perform hosting duties usually reserved for celebrity comedians like chris rock. "diddy" is not funny. in fact, his theatrics were a complete waste of time and advertisers' money. a literal bunch of smoke and mirrors. i don't care how many jacob the jeweler watches he throws into the audience, or how much money he gives away to charity because gwen stefani looks good in a leopard print dress. the audience doesn't give a shit either. the job of the host is to keep the show light, funny, and most importantly moving, not to bring it to a standstill so some rapper clown can showboat his ego on national tv.
speaking of which, i am so burnt out on the prima donna rappers that if i was watching the show on tivo, i would have watched about 25 minutes of it. even though tailored italian suits with pocket handkerchiefs have apparently replaced oversized basketball jerseys as the wardrobe of choice for these artists, their performances still amount to little more than a bunch of explosions, lights, inaudible growling into the microphones, and a lot of "yeah. yeahs" being screamed at the audience. i really can't tell them apart when they perform anymore, and don't ask me what they are saying. i would never go to a live hip hop concert by choice, so why do i have to sit through one when i watch the vmas? and can anyone really tell usher, kanye, jay-z, puffy, 50 cent, and jamie foxx apart when they are all wearing the same outfit and the same sunglasses?
the better performances of the night came from the killers and mariah carey. both of which, for some unknown reason, were beamed in from the far off distance of the other side of the biscayne bay. neither performance was too complicated to stage in the arena, and while the hotel-based sets were fun, i would have rather seen them live on stage, where complicated staging is much more impressive.
which leads us all to the lady of the evening, kelly clarkson. over the past year, kelly has become a bonafied success, escaping from the shadow of american idol and earning respect from both the industry and the public (record sales and airplay are equally impressive). and even if you don't love her like i do, how could you not love her perfomance? even i raised an eyebrow when i realized she was closing the show, but that was the smartest decision mtv made this year. her energy, enthusiasm, and the infectious chords of "since u been gone" brought down the house, and for that, we should all be grateful.
bottom line. when mc hammer is the "big surprise" of the night, there is a serious, serious problem.
i will admit that mtv still does a really fantastic job building up hype for the show...which is probably why i still watch it. they even have the unique ability to make the performer lineup sound exciting, when in fact, it falls remarkably short.
in reality, i think the main reason i still tune in is because i retain the inkling of hope that i am going to witness the next great "vma moment" that made the show so famous to begin with. but, where are the great surprise collaborations now? christina and fred durst? kid rock and aerosmith? nsync and michael jackson? where is the moving tribute to biggie with sting and faith evans? where is the infamous lisa marie and mj kiss? why isn't diana ross fondling lil kim's boob? where is britney ripping off her clothes? where the fuck is madonna? (okay, she's recovering from her horse-riding injury, but you get the point)
in fact, the last great vma moment that comes to mind was the britney/madonna kiss in 2003. it's almost like that kiss signified the end of an era, but i am holding out hope that's not the case. the first step in cleaning up this mess is figuring out just what the hell is going wrong?
first, and foremost, it needs to get the fuck out of miami and back to new york where it belongs. if the the less-than-climatic "tricked out car and celebrity yacht" arrivals, the aerial shots of the trailer park production lot, and the maze of aisles in the actual arena aren't enough of a reason to leave miami, perhaps just barely missing hurricane katrina by one day will scare them enough to come back up north.
second, i don't know who decided that puff daddy would be a good choice to perform hosting duties usually reserved for celebrity comedians like chris rock. "diddy" is not funny. in fact, his theatrics were a complete waste of time and advertisers' money. a literal bunch of smoke and mirrors. i don't care how many jacob the jeweler watches he throws into the audience, or how much money he gives away to charity because gwen stefani looks good in a leopard print dress. the audience doesn't give a shit either. the job of the host is to keep the show light, funny, and most importantly moving, not to bring it to a standstill so some rapper clown can showboat his ego on national tv.
speaking of which, i am so burnt out on the prima donna rappers that if i was watching the show on tivo, i would have watched about 25 minutes of it. even though tailored italian suits with pocket handkerchiefs have apparently replaced oversized basketball jerseys as the wardrobe of choice for these artists, their performances still amount to little more than a bunch of explosions, lights, inaudible growling into the microphones, and a lot of "yeah. yeahs" being screamed at the audience. i really can't tell them apart when they perform anymore, and don't ask me what they are saying. i would never go to a live hip hop concert by choice, so why do i have to sit through one when i watch the vmas? and can anyone really tell usher, kanye, jay-z, puffy, 50 cent, and jamie foxx apart when they are all wearing the same outfit and the same sunglasses?
the better performances of the night came from the killers and mariah carey. both of which, for some unknown reason, were beamed in from the far off distance of the other side of the biscayne bay. neither performance was too complicated to stage in the arena, and while the hotel-based sets were fun, i would have rather seen them live on stage, where complicated staging is much more impressive.
which leads us all to the lady of the evening, kelly clarkson. over the past year, kelly has become a bonafied success, escaping from the shadow of american idol and earning respect from both the industry and the public (record sales and airplay are equally impressive). and even if you don't love her like i do, how could you not love her perfomance? even i raised an eyebrow when i realized she was closing the show, but that was the smartest decision mtv made this year. her energy, enthusiasm, and the infectious chords of "since u been gone" brought down the house, and for that, we should all be grateful.
bottom line. when mc hammer is the "big surprise" of the night, there is a serious, serious problem.
posted by mark at 11:19 AM
1 Comments:
Kelly Clarkson did NOT save the damn VMAs (nothing really could)! Her dress might've been impressive had she any cleavage at all (or at least a stylist with the foresight to get her some fake titties to make her look anything but like a Rolo that oozed it's gooey insides to reveal a bad dye job). Furthermore, looking like the chunky chick at Spring Break Karaoke did nothing to close the show with a bang, more like I'd rather have had the show devolve into an episode of Jackass and had her slip into some mud pit and get trampled by a goat.
Then again, this doesn't at all detract from the Meh Factor of the show. Kelly isn't Bucket Head or whoever the fuck played with Bo-too-much-tox Axel Rose and his surprise closing at the lackluster whenever-it-was VMAs a few years back but she sure didn't help make it float in all that water.
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