dear people i hate

after 8 consecutive days of rain, i have decided to veer my agrivation away from mother nature, and focus it on those people who truly make walking around in the rain a miserable experience: all ye carriers of golf-sized umbrellas.

even though they are now creatively disguised with shorter handles and black material, they are still 6 feet in diameter and undeniably in my way. because they are so big, they must even have two layers of material, complete with flaps, so that the wind won't carry you away like fucking mary poppings.

there is absolutely no need to be walking around under a pavillion while it's raining. what do you plan on doing under there? play cards? have a picnic? if the wind is whipping, guess what, your pants are still getting wet no matter how wide your 'brella is.

for the love of sanity, please, leave the golf umbrellas to the soccer moms, and treat yourself to a sensible auto-collapsible. everyone thanks you for making the sidewalks of new york a safer place.